We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Struggling to breathe

We didn't end up going out to the Jameson party last night. We were hanging out at home having some beer and we realized that neither one of us was all that excited to go out. I think we were each planning on going since several of our friends were to attend, but a few ended up having homework, two took a later flight home from LA, one was in NYC and the other got called into work...that reduced our "posse" to just the two of us, and we weren't that keen on going out. So we went for a walk and got some heavenly gelato, (of which I have a photo but I forgot to bring in my camera--will post later) came home and watched the '48 hours' marathon that D had DVR'ed for me. I really think that I need to watch less Crime television. I love it and like trying to figure out these mysteries, but when I am home alone I become concerned that someone is going to break in, kill me and hide my body in an oil drum. (what? That is a totally reasonable fear!!!)
Trying to sort out all the stuff for my travels home is starting to really weigh on me. As I have mentioned before my typical MO in life is to procrastinate until the last minute hoping that magically someone else manages to get all my work done and I don't have to do it. I have learned that it is one of the worst coping mechanisms for my personality but I can't seem to escape from it. So instead of making decisions and sorting things out from the start, which I am told would be a bit stressful but then everything would be done, I wait til the last minute. Stressing the entire time and then having more last minute stress. How many times can I say stress in this post? I have to look into the Family Medical Leave Act today so that I can at least leave my options open. If I do decide to move back here in August it would be nice to know I have my job waiting, and FMLA also would allow me to keep my health insurance while I am gone. I don't care so much about it for me, but it would give D some more leeway before he has to figure it out. Pre-existing conditions SUCK. I also have to go talk to my immigration lawyer and get some information from her about moving home. I can leave the country for 90 days without it being seen as me abandoning my petition for residency, but I need to know if I can just leave or if I have to let homeland security know first. It really isn't that much to do I guess but for some reason when I think about doing it I just start freaking out so I decide to do something less constructive instead (like watch a '48 hours' marathon). I just feel so overwhelmed with my feelings as well as what I have to do but I feel like the one person I really want to talk to about all of this is also the one person I am hurting the most.
Just talked to my Nana who is 85 and had her hip replaced just over a week ago. The hospital wants to discharge her in two days and she still can't walk or really move. She lives alone and is pretty nervous about the impending discharge. They just informed her that she doesn't qualify for home care and even though a wheelchair won't fit through the doors in her apartment it's too bad. What the heck is she supposed to do? Thankfully her daughter is there and trying to sort things out but I just feel terrible about it. What are old people supposed to do in these situations? What if she didn't have someone there to help sort things out? My Aunt has to work and so she can't stay with her and my Nana can't move up to her house as it is full of stairs. I really hope that they can come home finagle her some in home care.



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