Dear Dante and other news

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Dear Dante--let me know how the relationship building goes. Mix Cd's are one of my fave things to get from someone cause you really can get a glimpse of that persons taste, personality etc...So best wishes to you with that. Funny how you can be lead to people on the Internet. I knew that there was a reason I always posted song lyrics!

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My quest for that awesome job is taking a little longer than originally anticipated. The hours I was getting at the clothing shop are now dwindling due to the slower pace of the fall. So I picked up a second job at a local fruit stand. Yes where I live might be officially called the Apple Capital of Ontario...and so I am working for a family friend now selling apples and making pies. It isn't really where I pictured myself at this point in my life but I am learning new things and I know that what ever happens is supposed to happen. I am no longer making good money, but I can recommend what apples are best for making pies/sauce/cakes. No knowledge is wasted knowledge. I guess it is good to have a reason to have to leave the house every day. Although it is weird to be at a job where I am not on the computer every day. I loved being able to check in with my friends on MSN all day and write my blog and do whatever else (I guess that would speak to my newly increased work productivity...hmmm) But for all the crap work wise, I am loving being home so much. I don't mind living with my Mum and my brother, although I do miss having some of my own space. It does feel great for once to be able to just be responsible for me. I get to make all the decisions that effect me and it is nice not to be thinking of anyone else. I am a bit lonely at times as most of my friends are in relationships right now, but it does feel good to have time to myself. I think I never took that earlier in my life when I had the chance and it is something that I have drastically needed. I think that I am the kind of person who tends to take on traits of the people I date. My views, desires and dreams seem to be radically similar to people I have dated even though they are not at all alike. How is that possible? I think that I can be easily influenced and just adapt their dreams to my own. I think that I am going to keep using this time to find out who I am and what it is I really want.

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Tomorrow night my friend Liz and I are going on a "date". We make plans to see each other a lot but inevitably something comes up and we end up canceling so Liz in all her infinite wisdom decided that we needed to schedule "dates" so that we would actually go out. Our original plan was Thai food and then go see "Across the Universe" but it isn't actually playing at our local theatre so I don't know where the night will take us. How exciting. I think I need to keep making plans to go out and do things cause looking forward to something really helps get through the week. This week I have kickboxing on Wed night, Thursday off and then I work Fri-Wed so I am not really looking forward to the weekend this weekend. It's the local craft show and apparently my work becomes a total shit show. But money is money so what can I say. Dear Jesus please help me find a "real" job asap. Last week my grandma told me that she knew what I should do--I should be on the news as a anchor. Like you just pop in and apply for it like that, but I thought it was adorable that she thought that was the perfect job for me. I could also be an astronaut...

Today

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Due to the unfortunate behaviour of my husband who leaves comments as "Anonymous" thinking that they veil his identity, I have set my comments to moderated. So if you leave me a comment it will be emailed to me and if it isn't a direct attack on me as a person or my mother I will accept it right away. I have been keeping away from my blog and from the net for a while lately as I tend to get nervous to see what he has done, but in a step for self preservation I am taking back what I love and no longer worrying about what he is going to try to do or say to hurt me. Enough of the negative talk...for last night I fell in love....

...with Nintendo Wii!!!! I went down to Guelph to visit my friend Erin on Monday and decided to head to London on Tuesday to spend the night with my friend Lindsay and her husband Jesse. They took me out to an awesome sushi dinner, we went to Value Village to get snazzy outfits for this weekends "wear white before Labour Day" party and then home to drink some vino and play some Wii. I have never really been a videogamer. I loved me some Duckhunt back in the day, but I never got too involved with the continual evolution of playstation and Nintendo. But I really really want a Wii. We played the Sporting game selection, bowling, golf, tennis and some boxing. I was actually sweating playing the boxing and managed to KO Lindsay. What a lot of fun. Today I am not up to too much, cleaning my room (feel like I am in high school haha) and making dinner--I just got a cool recipe for Chicken with artichokes and melted lemons...if it turns out well I will post it. Anyway this is likely a mundane post, but I miss my internet peeps and want everyone to know I am still alive. xo

Duh

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As I suspected and part of the reason I hadn't posted anything about my marriage before, last night D read it and was hurt. I am removing the post and will no longer discuss my relationship with him online. I will say however that he wrote a post about me leaving and forwarded it to mutual friends, my coworkers, family members and his entire family. Apparently this is different. I was just trying to write something basic but I should have gone with my original feeling which was to not write anything at all.

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I have decided to train for a mini triathalon. (which I think I am spelling wrong so I might want to rethink that!) My friend Lindsay did one last summer so we thought it would be fun to either relay one this year or try to do the mini one. So far I have a pretty good jogging pace but I have to kick it up several notches for the swimming and biking. I think that next week I am going to try to bike one town over. I will be sure to have my brother on notice so that if I can do the 14K but not come back he can pick me up! I just got home from a 3k jog, I can't do the whole 5k at a good pace yet but I am working my way up to it. I was having crazy anxious dreams last night of trying to get ready for my first day of University and I couldnt find a bra and my Ipod (apparently two things never to leave the house without) and I woke up in a panic. Also there were earwigs infesting the apartment I was living in. Gross. So I am finding that running is really helping me relieve stress which is something it never did before. It was always a source of stress as I was lazy and didn't want to get on the treadmill. Maybe I just like running outside? Anyway off to shower then work.

(somewhat) Lazy Sunday

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I slept in this morning which was gorgeous! For the past week I have been waking up about 7am like clockwork due to a combined force of birds that chirp exceedingly loudly and the sun creeping in my window. For some reason (perhaps cause I moved to the couch in the basement around 4am I managed to stay asleep til around 10:30! I got up and Mum and I had coffee sitting out on the back deck just hanging out, watering the flowers out there and chatting. Was lovely. Erin called and we had a good chat about her coming birthday weekend. I think I am going to head to Midland next weekend for some BBQ action. We want to do some fun yet cheap stuff on Friday night so if anyone has some good ideas let me know :) After my restful coffee/phone break we got my brother up to help us clear out the shed in the back garden. We need it for storage and it still is full of icky and smells like chicken poop (the former owner kept chickens in her back yard of course) So we used a power washer to clean out the inside after we got all the crap out. I think my brother power washed my butt and legs more than the inside of the shed, but I guess that must be a temptation hard to refuse...little brother with a water distribution unit...older sister hanging around. I guess he had to do it!

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Yesterday was my first day of work at the restaurant. I made a whopping $5 in tips! I was in training so it was to be expected but I was still hoping to clear the double digits. It is a really cool place to work and I am looking forward to getting in there more often. I was supposed to work today as well but I think they overstaffed even for someone in training.

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I didn't get to see Tara while she was here or meet her daughter Sophie. I am so disappointed. I had made plans to go up Friday night after work and see them up in Muskoka but the stars were aligned against us with about 35 things that made it impossible. The car I am driving (I will put photos up soon for sure) has a litany of issues and our mechanic didn't think I should take it too far without having the water pump replaced. My Mum's car needed to be taken to the dealership about an hour and a half away to have some warranty piece put on the brakes and I couldn't use my brothers car cause he needed it to get to work. Also my allergies were foul and I didn't want to subject anyone to that. Fortunately she is back in August for her brothers wedding so I will see her then. It is so hard to try to make plans at the moment as my brain is goo and just so much is going on.

If I can still drink that much at 90...

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Yesterday we had a birthday party for my Grandparents. Earlier this month my Grandma turned 90 and on Friday my Grandfather turned 85. My family thought it fitting to throw them a big party and we did it in style. It was a lot of fun to have family and friends together for a joyous occasion as the last time we gathered en masse it was for a funeral. Needless to say this was a whole lot more fun. It feels so weird to be home and not rushing to do all the things I usually have to cram into a weekend. It feels so freeing to be able to make plans with friends for next week and actually be around to celebrate my best friend's birthday. It is strange to be away from Philly and since I guess it hasn't completely settled in yet that I am not going back in a day or two I think the homesickness will come a bit later. Right now I am still so excited to be drinking red wine with my grandma and getting teased by my younger brothers. It feels so nice to be all together again without such sadness immediately hanging over us. But I digress, the party was awesome. My best friend and her boyfriend came up to hang out for the day (they actually slept over as well) You know someone is your best friend when they will come up to your house to celebrate a familial birthday and kick it with your aunts and uncles. We managed to sneak away to have some quick catching up in conjunction with many many glasses of wine. I am currently putting my photos on the computer and was surprised to notice that I had taken 323 pics yesterday. Well I didn't take them all as family members were enamoured with the Nikon so I have many many random photos of things like the sink and potted plants--I have to go through them a bit before I upload to shutterfly. I thought I would post a few of my faves up here:

Me and my brothers

My cousin and her daughter checking out the fish pond

Me kiss mauling my bestie

Urgh again

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In typical "me" fashion I have left things to the last minute and I am starting to freak out with the packing scenario. I promised D that I wouldn't leave the apartment a total mess in my wake but at the moment it looks like a dropped a bomb of my crap all over our bedroom and living room (photos to follow--I have already packed camera cord. yay. one thing down) We are both trying to get things done but since we tend to both get overwhelmed in chaos there is no defined leader getting our asses on track so we are both stumbling around the apartment trying to suss out what should be done next. I needed a break so I am blogging while he hits up the treadmill for a few minutes. I keep wanting to say "Ok well let's just worry about it later" but my flight leaves at 8am on Friday so that means later is now. Also I don't want us both running around like idiots on Thursday night and inevitably fighting cause we are discombobulated. Phew...big exhale here. I have never been a really organized person and it is moments like this that I wonder why I am not an organized person cause it would really really help me thrive. Ok...now for the positives--I get to see my Mum, brothers and grandparents in two days. My best friend is driving up to see me on Saturday...really those are some good things to look forward to. I wish I could just teleport myself to Friday afternoon--already got to Canada, no worries with flights, customs etc and it's smooth sailing. (Plus my crazy anal mum will have me unpacked and ready to go in about 20 mins!)

Time Management

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Yeesh! Not working in front of a computer all day drastically reduces the time where in I feel I can blog. I am actually stealing one minute in between laundry and getting on the treadmill to let people know I am still alive. Getting all my crap together while suffering from amazingly awful allergies has been more time consuming than I thought--when I have a few more minutes (likely next week when I am living in the boonies and too allergic to go outside) I will write about my long weekend in NYC--just stopping by today to report that upon our return Aquaman had gone belly up. Farewell little fish, you weren't a part of our lives for long but we loved watching you swim.

Blogging with Bullets

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My 'last day of work' onset ADD is making blogging difficult today so I thought instead of trying to piece together cohesive sentences and paragraphs I think I shall just use bullets to illustrate what all I have currently going on in my head.

• I think I met a kindred spirit yesterday! GG, my first internet friend turns out to be a cool real life friend. We bonded over her blog on Bookcrossing and we discovered that we are both super cool nerdy girls. Iced coffee conversation at Starbucks was neither forced or awkward. I guess that's what comes for meeting someone for the first time after you have already read all about them on their blog! It was just really nice to meet someone that you automatically feel comfortable with. For our quick coffee break we delved into pretty deep coffee conversation as we exchanged books. I am saddened as I have been looking for a friend like this for a long time (and of course we meet as I am preparing to move) but I am also taking it as a blessing to have a fun new friend to share my love of books and crafts with even from a distance. (also reason #1223 to love this gal, as soon as we got back to our offices after meeting we both immediately went online and journaled about our bookcrossing exchange. Woman after my own heart!)
• I don't know what I have signed up for lately, but on average I am getting 8 emails a day from Prince someoneorother telling me that I am a long lost heir from Africa blah blah he wants to send me money. First of all I am on the albino side of Caucasian. My British heritage has passed down upon me skin the shade best described as "catfish belly" white. I really don't think that some African prince is in my background. Also with how utterly common my last name is I know that they didn't some how track me down through ancestry.com Don't know why it annoys me so much. I think it's cause hotmail tells me I have a ton of emails, so I get all excited imagining the fun email I will have and then it's all crap. urgh.
• My coworkers took me out for a farewell lunch yesterday at Estia. It really is sinfully delicious to get to enjoy wine during lunch on a weekday! Mari took her camera out to start taking photos and realized that her memory card was at home in her laptop. That is so something that I would have done which just made me start missing her already. Lunch was awesome and tonight they are all taking me to Continental Midtown for happy hour. I can't wait for drinking some highly overpriced martinis with my work peeps tonight. As much as I complain about my job I really love the people (most I should say) that I work with and I will miss them a lot.
• Yesterday was a big day for me in the bookcrossing world...well not so much to anyone else, but I managed to release 3 books. Which is a lot for me in one day. As of yet no one has gone online to let me know that they found them, but I have started making up backstories in my head for those people who find them.
• Off to my last lunch working here. weird. Mari and I are going to get sammies from Starbucks and go take photos in the park. hurray.

Reason #51169 that I am a big Efing idiot

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About a year ago my Dad called me at work and left a message. It wasn't anything special, just him telling me that my mum was away over night and he was taking my grandpa out for dinner. It ended with an I love you hunny and nothing more. I had just never got around to erasing that message and after he passed away I was so thankful that I had kept it. I only listened to it once or twice cause I would cry just hearing his voice, but knowing it was on my phone was sort of a security blanket. I knew I could listen to his voice if I wanted. In preparation for my last days of work I was trying to get lose ends tied up. The amazing IT guy here came over to show me how to save it to a wave file...we got it all set up and somehow I have managed to delete the message. Like a sweetie he went back into the system to see if he could save it somehow, but it is gone. And I am in tears at my desk. Mari came over and gave me a huge hug but I can't stop crying and sniffling and I just feel like crap and want to go home. It is one of those things that just makes me so fucking angry that I didn't get around to taking care of it sooner--it just seemed like it didn't matter cause it would always be there. Kind of like how I thought he would. Grieving is just ridiculous. Last night I was so proud of myself cause I was able to watch Golf highlights without dissolving into a puddle, but now I am going to feel like crap for the rest of the day. I just hate that I can be feeling like I am having a great day and then just as suddenly there I go breaking my heart again. ouch.

Thoughts from this morning

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*Insert heavenly chorus of Angels noise here. I have finally found something that works for my cold sores. I know that as I type this it’s signing the death warrant of it actually working for me again, but I had to share. My dear friend Tara sent me a package of these Compeed patches along with some chocolates a few months back. I have had two cold sores since then and I just put these on as soon as it started and they didn’t get all huge and gross! Hallelujah. Downside is that they seem to only be available in the UK and I think I can only pester dear sweet Tara to mail me stuff so many times. What is something fun from the US I can post her in return…I don’t think a cheesesteak would hold up in the mail.

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Last night was fun watching the Phillies cream the Brewers. I do like watching a sporting event live, much more so than on television. Sometimes however baseball gets a bit long for me. Poor D, it’s me taking him on romantic date night and then I sat for two innings and picked the fake nails off my nails. Lovely right? They were just starting to get crappy looking so I decided they had to come off. And picking at them is cheaper than being charged $20+ to go to the salon and have them removed. I am such delightful sporting company. We went home and watched the Tivoed season finale of Criminal Minds. I started to cry when someone was killed. I know it’s silly, but she was rescued last season from a terrible death and it just seemed so unfair that another bad guy would "get" her. D kept reminding me that it was just television and that Gideon and the crew would get the bad guy in the end but for some reason I was just really upset about it. I am a 100% dork if I can't handle watching my fave shows without having meltdowns.

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I have been wanting to write a post for about 2 years now titled "An open letter of hatred to Verizon wireless" but I have yet to get around to it. I am afraid if I let all my anger towards that shitty not at all customer service oriented company out, I will get put on a government watchlist cause it is a violent hatred for them. I have literally left their store in tears on more than one occasion with the way they have treated me. But I digress. My point for now was that last week my cell phone charger stopped working. When I went in to replace it I was told "but ma'am that phone is over two years old. We don't still have chargers for that!!" (ok so when was a two year old phone considered a dinosaur asshole?)--I stormed out at this point so that I didn't start throwing things at the injustice of it all. SO...D ordered me one from Ebay which has yet to arrive so I have been without a phone for over a week now. It is strangely freeing. Also weird cause I haven't talked to anyone, but they have my work number and D's cell phone number should they want to get in touch (left it on my answering machine)..so I either have no friends, or else I have been obsessively checking my cell phone every 10 mins for the past few years for no reason. It feels strangely freeing to have cut the cord. Granted there hasn't been an emergency lately wherein I would need a phone so I would likely feel different if that was the case, but it is nice to go out and think that I am not immediately accessible to everyone who has my digits.

Less than a week!

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If I new how to make the MSN barfy face emoticon show up in my blog I think I would put that in right about here--I am terrified about quitting my job. It's funny cause I have bitched about it for the entire time I have worked here, but it has been routine for the past almost 5 years (I interned here a wee bit before I finished university) I got a bit teary getting coffee yesterday with Mari, we have been supportive, "got your back" kind of coworkers together and I will really miss seeing her every day. In fact today she is in training and I am supposed to be writing tests and I am lonely being the only one in my section. What will she do when I am gone? The other girl that we used to hang out with randomly stopped talking to us just before Christmas. Physically acting like we don't exist. We haven't really figured out why, we think it's because we didn't go to a happy hour that she had with her rugby team. That day it was due to pour rain and while she had taken the week off we had worked all week and were tired and not wanting to go out. After that she has completely not spoken to either of us. She did this to me once before so we just decided that she is clearly crazy so we left her alone. I am now feeling like I am abandoning my dear Mari to fend for herself as she will have to deal with this crazy alone. I have actually had in-my-own-head confrontations with her where I tell her that she needs help and that at 26 the actual way to deal with conflict or being upset with a friend isn't to freeze them out. Yesterday I started thinking that if she said goodbye to me I would say something like "bye then, have fun being miserable to people who want to be your friend" although I would clearly not do that. I would just say goodbye back. I guess her tactic worked in the way she wanted cause it did piss me off, although everyone else in the office who has noticed her behaviour thinks she is a nut. wow clearly I needed to get that out.

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We didn't make it out to all you can eat sushi last night :( The timing didn't work out with the people we were double dating with so instead we went out to Cuba Libre (a divine yet kinda $$ Cuban restaurant in old city) Then we went to the Ritz to see Waitress. I never realized how beautiful Keri Russell is until that movie. She was just gorgeous throughout. It was a really great chick flick if anyone is interested. I think D enjoyed it as well--not 100% sure cause sometimes he pretends so that I don't feel bad for my movie choices. The downside to this is that I now want to bake and then eat a million pies. The cinematographer did an excellent job of making the pies look divine. Tonight I am taking D on a date night to the Phillies game cause it's Ryan Howard bobblehead night.

Not so Terrible Tuesday

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Even though I have been trying to be more positive lately I haven’t been feeling so awesome. When we went down the shore I weighed myself and I actually weigh 10 lbs more than expected. Not super awesome for the jolt of self confidence I needed. But that was two weeks ago and I have really been exercising a LOT and eating much better than usual. (ok so I had pizza for dinner on Sunday) But I actually feel a lot more motivated to try to get my butt in gear so I can feel better about myself this summer. This morning I dug out a pair of jean capris to wear and they are actually big on me! The butt is a lot roomier and the waist is a lot looser than it was last summer. HURRAY! Perhaps I am firming up in places and just now have a fat brain or something. It was nice to start the day off on a skinny note. I also brought a cute new pair of red heels to wear today and there is just something about wearing heels that makes me feel sassy. So today is starting off on a good note. I think tonight D and I are going on a double date with my friends Mari and Gabe—there is an all you can eat sushi place in Chinatown that charges $20 for all you can eat sushi and it is SO delicious. Then likely home for some American Idol action--anyone want to guess who will be voted off this week? At this point it is anyone's game, but I wonder if Blake's hotness and different style is enough to get him through to the finals.

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I started a fabulous new book last night: Eat Pray Love. While I am only on page 25, it just grabbed me right from the introduction and dragged me in. If I hadn't been so tired I think I would have stayed up all night reading. I am loving this Bookcrossing (yeah like I haven't mentioned that enough lately haha) cause it really got me reading again. I took such a long hiatus from reading that now that I am back I feel like I just bumped into a cherished old friend after a long absence. I think that I have just been so depressed for the last 8 months that the thought of picking up a book was just completely foreign to me. Nothing could hold my attention that long and plus TV was just that much easier. So I can say that my list of books to read has grown exponentially! I think I will be doing a lot of reading this summer-->tis good to keep busy while living in a small town.

The Beginning of the End

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Today is the first day of my last full week of work. I didn't think I would be this effected (or is it affected?...why do I always screw those two up?) by the change. Everyone has come up to my desk and expressed their sadness that I was leaving. I am going to miss a lot of these people. While some of them I could handle not seeing again, I have spent 8-10 hours a day with these people almost every day for 4 years! They have become my work family and it saddens me to think of all the daily rituals that I will no longer be a part of. Bagel day on Fridays, Pretzel day on Tuesday...running to Wawa when the coffee supply here stops satisfying. I know that change can be good and I feel funny that I am so nervous about it. Twice before in my life I have packed up all my goodies and moved to another country--New Zealand for 6 months when I was 18 and the US for what was initially to be 18 months at 23. I was terrified both of those times but now my decision doesn't just effect/affect (can someone help me with that) me. I know that D is hoping more than anything I will decide to move back to Philly after August, but I think after such a long absence I will just be so happy to be home that I won't want to leave again for a while. My friend Tara and her hubby invited me to come live with them in the UK for a few months...an idea that really has piqued my interest. I could do childcare or try my hand at supply teaching, make money in pounds and save up a wee bit. This could also be a great time and another adventure, but at the moment I really can't make any sort of plan like that. Also I have been away and homesick for so long I don't know how I would take picking up and moving again!

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Had a pretty good weekend--we saw Hot Fuzz on Friday night which I just loved. British comedy really does it for me and as I loved Shaun of the Dead I was hoping that this wouldn't disappoint. Saturday we went out to New Hope, PA which is a really cute little town with great shops and yummy restaurants. Having no car is good financially for us, but for things like travelling around the outskirts of the city it isn't that easy. We had to take a train for an hour out to West Trenton, NJ, our friends picked us up there and then drove us the rest of the way. Sunday we took the train once more to go out and see D's mom-mom for Mothers day. We went out to a Jewish deli for lunch and it was delicious. We got her 'Dreamgirls' for a present and she was SO excited about it. Hurray for giving good gifts.

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It was a change being on the train this weekend. Taking the train is something I don't do that much any more, but we took advantage, snuggled up in the seats and read books. I finished "Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruen and I can hands down say it was one of the best books I had read in a while. I was actually sad that it ended cause I just loved the narrator so much. This is not going to be a bookcrossing book cause I can't bare to part with it. I might lend, but am not leaving. Friday night at the movies I released another book. Despite me checking out the website with a near OCD frequency no one has yet journaled it. I have been corresponding with the woman who writes www.redredwhine.com as of late and we are new bookcrossing buddies. She actually has some of the books on my wish list and at least if I trade books with her I know someone will journal their travels! I actually ran out of my office this morning as someone had "released" a book across the street in the train station, but alas it was gone by the time I got down there. I keep hoping that one day these books will find their way into the hands of someone who finds the idea as novel as I do and will comment on finding it.

Thankfully Thursday with photobooth pics

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I am wearing fresh out of the dryer jeans today—which means that they are just a wee bit tight. Didn’t notice til I sat down at work and now my butt is feeling a little squashed…hope it’s not indecent work wear! (They aren’t normally hoochie jeans, just feel that way right now!)

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I didn't get up to too much last night. I started obsessively digging out books and starting to register them on bookcrossing. D is getting a bit nervous that I am going to start giving away all my books, but I just thought it would be fun to put in the ones that I have yet to read. I KNOW when I move home this summer I am going to get my friend Erin hooked on this and we can start exchanging books and leaving them all over our small towns. I actually started my first "bookring" this morning AND mailed out the book at lunch. A bookring is where you find people who are interested in a book you own and like a chain letter with way better results, you send the book to the first person in line, they then read it and send it to the next person in line and so on. I am very excited as this is the first book I know someone will find and actually journal about. weeeee. I just wish I found out about this in the fall before I gave away 4 huge bags of books. sob. I think that everyone who knows me would say that i am a passionate person, but I think that sometimes it might weird people out with how carried away I get with things I love. It is true that I tend to get really excited by things and sometimes when they don't turn out the way I want I let them go by the wayside. (ie--took knitting lessons, made half a vest. Hated it so I gave it up. Took quilting lessons LOVED it, but I don't have room in my apartment to have my sewing machine set up anywhere...doesn't mean I won't be all over it when we have a living space larger than a shoebox) I had told my friend Hugh about this yesterday and he said that he thought it was cute the things that I get so excited about...so hurray for being cute and passionate. wooooo.

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No big plans for tonight. We were going to try to have a date night, but there aren't any movies out we want to see at the moment and it's supposed to thunderstorm later which kills all the fun outdoor stuff. I think we are going to rent 'Shaun of the Dead' and check that out before we go see Hot Fuzz with some friends on Friday. Also coming out this Friday is 'Waitress' looks amazing. Even the ever cynical writers at pajiba.com gave it an amazing review. Plus Matlock is in it so what more could you ask for?

Hurray for Hump day

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Today is my free lunch day. Hurray for winning things. And hurray for my willpower—I love Mexican food, but instead of ordering some of the naughty cheese smothered things I love, I got a chicken and avocado salad instead. I am sure it won’t be quite as satisfying as the Flautas or what-have-you, but I am sure my waist line will thank me later (as well as my stomach tonight when I get on the treadmill) Last night was to be our second night of awesome healthy cooking at home, but we ended up going out to Marathon instead...oops. I did however order a salad which was delicious and surprisingly filling so I feel good about that. I think my main problem is that I like all the goodies in my salad (nuts, cheeses, other non healthy salad accouterments)

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Urgh. I started writing this this morning when I was all full of promise with my freebie. Unfortunately my salad is rebelling against my insides and I feel like complete crap now. :'( But it was still free so let's try to be positive here. Wonder who is going home on Idol tonight? It's funny cause I look at all other reality shows with such disdain, but I love me some American Idol!

Three Weeks

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I move back to Ontario in three weeks. I am still unsure if it is permanently or just for the summer but I just hate feeling so confused about things. I am SO excited to be near my family and friends again. While there has been a lot I have loved about living in Philadelphia I have remained homesick for almost 4 years now. I know that this will somehow all get figured out, but I just wish that there was a way for it to not be so dificult. Also--this past weekend I found out that I weigh 10 lbs more than I thought I did. While this doesn't make me a heifer by any stretch of the imagination, it is just really disappointing as I felt that I had been making some progress with the treadmill and the eating better. D said he would help me and is putting me on the 3 week blast plan. (I just made up the blast plan part...we didn't give it a real name) But I am getting my ass on the treadmill everynight for at least 300 calories, but I am aiming for closer to 500. We are cooking in every night (a REAL stretch for us) and trying not to be so snacky before bed. I am going to two weddings this summer and it would be nice to feel super sassy at both of them so I am keeping my cute dress choices in mind as motivation when I don't feel like doing anything productive.

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American Idol is on tonight and it's BeeGee night......I can't wait to watch. So lame I am this addicted.

Weekend fun in Delaware

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We had a really fun weekend down in Delaware. I have illustrated some of the shenanagans we got up to:

All you can eat crab. So good it's ridiculous

We went to our fave all you can eat restaurant and had some amazing crab dinners. I ate 4 baskets and D ate 5. We washed them down with some "Yarrr Matey" frozen rum drinkie thing served in a coconut. Sweet. I think we took something like a hundred photos so I won't bore you all to death with them. I just picked some of the fun ones to illustrate our activities. We also played mini golf and saw Spiderman 3 but I just can't be bothered uploading that many more photos.

Cool Lighthouse we stumbled upon

I absolutely LOVE Bethany Beach. D's shore house smells like my old cottage (which we had to sell when my parents divorced) There is just such a "homey" feel down there and it is just such a neat destination. The outlet malls are a ton of fun, there are mini-golf courses everywhere you look and the restaurants are delicious. It is just so scenic and being from Ontario I still get excited about seeing the ocean--didn't happen too much when I was little. I was so looking forward to getting down there and taking lots of photos, unfortunately the ocean and the sky didn't cooperate in the ways I was hoping for, but it was still an all around fun weekend.

Hanging on the Deck at Harpoon Hanna's

A new Hermie came home with us

Two summers ago D indulged me and bought me a few hermies as pets. I think he thought that they would be a short time commitment sort of pet. To be honest we likely don't have the same few that we brought home with us that first day, but as they have passed away we have felt the need to replace them. They are really social creatures so we thought it was cruel to just let their numbers dwindle. We have four right now and even though they are kind of creepy looking, it is so sweet to see them all snuggled up in the corner or their aquarium. They also chirp to each other sometimes it sounds a bit like crickets.

D on the deck

A new obsession

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The other day I stumbled upon a great blog RRW. In one of her more recent posts she mentions how she signed up for a neat website called Bookcrossing. The premise is simple--you have a book you have read and don't want any more? You register it on the site and "release" it into the wild. As an avid reader and bibliophile this idea really got me excited. (I am such a nerd FYI) The unfortunate thing is that in February I went through all my bookshelves and got rid of most of the books that I was ready to part with; not an easy task for me! So while I was thinking all day that I must have at least 20 books I could release, when I got home and checked I could only find two! So I think that I will be starting off with this bookcrossing on a much smaller scale and originally anticipated. I got a Jodi Picoult book all registered and ready to go and brought it with me to the movies last night in west Philly. I left it in the theatre and have now been anxiously checking the status online hoping that someone will soon check in that they found it. I put a sticky note on the front that said "Free book to a good home, see inside" and I had the bookcrossing information and registration number on the front page. It felt so foreign to me to be leaving something so treasured, a book, behind. I looked back several times as I was walking down the steps and out of the theatre...like I was leaving my kid on their first day of school. I have such lofty aspirations for the life of this book and I am so hoping that someone will write it to keep me abreast of its travels.

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Due to my "mental work checkout" I have officially completely screwed myself as I realize the amount of work that I need to do today. Yet here I am updating my blog cause somehow I deem this as critical on my list of things to do. Urgh. D and I went to see 'The Condemned' last night. While we were in Florida I got to pick two movies for us to see (Meet the Robinson's in 3D and Reign over Me) so it was his turn for the movie choice. It was one of those actioney movies where everyone kicks everyone else's ass and gratuitous violence ensues. I think that it was to be a bit of a social commentary on what we are willing to watch on television and desensitization to violence, but it wasn't exactly plot or dialogue heavy. But it was good for the kind of random actioney sort of thing that D was looking for. It was better than The Marine by about 100%, which I made D watch cause Jon Cena was it in. Why do I suddenly have a thing for wrestlers? I am regressing into a prepubescent boy. Eeek.

Struggling to breathe

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We didn't end up going out to the Jameson party last night. We were hanging out at home having some beer and we realized that neither one of us was all that excited to go out. I think we were each planning on going since several of our friends were to attend, but a few ended up having homework, two took a later flight home from LA, one was in NYC and the other got called into work...that reduced our "posse" to just the two of us, and we weren't that keen on going out. So we went for a walk and got some heavenly gelato, (of which I have a photo but I forgot to bring in my camera--will post later) came home and watched the '48 hours' marathon that D had DVR'ed for me. I really think that I need to watch less Crime television. I love it and like trying to figure out these mysteries, but when I am home alone I become concerned that someone is going to break in, kill me and hide my body in an oil drum. (what? That is a totally reasonable fear!!!)

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Trying to sort out all the stuff for my travels home is starting to really weigh on me. As I have mentioned before my typical MO in life is to procrastinate until the last minute hoping that magically someone else manages to get all my work done and I don't have to do it. I have learned that it is one of the worst coping mechanisms for my personality but I can't seem to escape from it. So instead of making decisions and sorting things out from the start, which I am told would be a bit stressful but then everything would be done, I wait til the last minute. Stressing the entire time and then having more last minute stress. How many times can I say stress in this post? I have to look into the Family Medical Leave Act today so that I can at least leave my options open. If I do decide to move back here in August it would be nice to know I have my job waiting, and FMLA also would allow me to keep my health insurance while I am gone. I don't care so much about it for me, but it would give D some more leeway before he has to figure it out. Pre-existing conditions SUCK. I also have to go talk to my immigration lawyer and get some information from her about moving home. I can leave the country for 90 days without it being seen as me abandoning my petition for residency, but I need to know if I can just leave or if I have to let homeland security know first. It really isn't that much to do I guess but for some reason when I think about doing it I just start freaking out so I decide to do something less constructive instead (like watch a '48 hours' marathon). I just feel so overwhelmed with my feelings as well as what I have to do but I feel like the one person I really want to talk to about all of this is also the one person I am hurting the most.

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Just talked to my Nana who is 85 and had her hip replaced just over a week ago. The hospital wants to discharge her in two days and she still can't walk or really move. She lives alone and is pretty nervous about the impending discharge. They just informed her that she doesn't qualify for home care and even though a wheelchair won't fit through the doors in her apartment it's too bad. What the heck is she supposed to do? Thankfully her daughter is there and trying to sort things out but I just feel terrible about it. What are old people supposed to do in these situations? What if she didn't have someone there to help sort things out? My Aunt has to work and so she can't stay with her and my Nana can't move up to her house as it is full of stairs. I really hope that they can come home finagle her some in home care.

It's Friday, you ain't got no job, you ain't got shit to do

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I had really odd dreams early this morning. First one I was at an Ice cream shop with my hubby and I was just leaning over the counter to see the flavours as I didn’t have my glasses on and couldn’t read from the line. An old woman came over to me and started screaming at me that I was trying to steal her turn which was next. I kept calming trying to explain to her and she wouldn’t listen…I suddenly got very aggressive with her and started screaming. (this is VERY un-me. I rarely yell or get that confrontational with anyone) I woke up all frustrated and had to pee. Came back to bed and queue my next dream: I am walking with Justin Timberlake as he gives a tour of his old neighborhood…and we proceed to get in a fight about Britney Spears. I think I have to stop eating before I go to bed!

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When I left my house this morning I had such an intense sense of Déjà vu. It was completely sound and smell related, but it was very overwhelming. When I was little we used to spend our summers in Muskoka at our cottage. I remember waking up in the mornings from my bedroom in the attic listening to the rain bouncing off the roof and feeling so safe and secure. My brothers and I would play yahtzee or monopoly, sometimes we would snuggle up in the glassed in sunroom to read old comic books. Watching the rain bounce off the water and When we wanted to go out my Mum would deck us out in cottage rain gear that always seemed to be a size to big and eternally musty. It was just such a nice flash back to that time as I put on my bright yellow rain jacket this morning. Listening to the rain hitting my umbrella. Then I realized that it was starting to absolutely pour and I still have no rainboots! I got to work soaked from my shoes up to my knees. I took my shoes off to dry them in front of Mari's heater, but because they are so old and smelly I think the wet dragged the stink into my socks and my desk area has remained foul feet smelling today. To be absolutely descriptive, it reminds me of the stink of old hockey equipment (my brothers would leave theirs out in the basement between games.)

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Tonight we are going to see Jon Stewart do his stand up at the Tower theatre. Should be a good time. We are taking D's parents and heading up to Upper Darby after work. Then I think I have to clean when we get home cause our apartment is really starting to get dumpy again. I don't know why, but I rule at being clean for a few days and then slowly but surely I get overwhelmed again and start leaving my clothes on the floor, not putting away dishes etc and then before I know it I am surrounded with junk. I think the worst thing is paper. D never will throw away junk mail, bills etc they just sit around and collect dust. We even get coupons to places we never go and he keeps them "just in case" I on the other hand am a scrapbooker so I continually keep movie tickets things I cut out of the Metro and I don't organize them at all so they threaten to take over my life. I need to stop being so messy!