We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Happy Birthday

Today my Dad would have turned 66. One of his favourite things is white flowers, so on my way into work I stopped at the cute Japanese flower sellers on 17th street. I couldn't tell what the man was saying as to the name of the flowers, but my friend Mari tells me that in Japan they are called "Kiku" or spider mums. So I have two pretty little white flowers sitting in a coffee cup on my desk which is the best way I can think of to show my Dad that I am thinking about him today. D offered to take me out to dinner, and we also have an invite to go out with a group of friends to eat. I feel like such a recluse lately, but I just seem to get really overwhelmed in a large group of people. It some how makes me feel more lonely and sad. Does that make any sense?

My parent's wedding song just came on my Ipod. (which I found last night buried under a pile of crap on D's weight bench) It was with great pomp and circumstance that I paraded it around the apartment. I know it likely sounds hokey but i really do feel like my Dad sometimes puts songs on the radio on randomly on my shuffle that I need to hear. He played Paul Simons "Father and Daughter" for me one day when I needed it the most...I just miss him so much sometimes and days like this I just still feel so angry and sad and heartbroken at the same time that I just don't know how to make myself feel better.


Wednesday, March 28, 2007

...or sharks?

Last week which watching Criminal Minds D and I developed a new game. The premise is really simple and while it likely seemed more amusing to us as we had had some drinks at this point, we have continued to play it all week and its still thought provoking and fun. What you do is in any situation ask "that or sharks?" This started during Criminal Minds cause a woman was purposely trapped in her house and the bad guy started a fire. So we said "oooh man, would you rather have that happen or be eaten by sharks?" So now whenever there is some unpleasant situation on the TV or news we have been discussing which would be better.... Any one have any situations to add? One other one I can think of was being torn in half by two 18-wheelers from that stupid movie that was out recently... The one with Sean Bean as a hitch hiker...


Morning Madness

For the past few weeks I seem to have a really bad “get the heck out of bed” thing going on in the mornings. My alarm goes off and in my sleeplike state I manage to convince myself to set the alarm for significantly later and reassure my brain that I can get ready and leave the house in 10 minutes…As I am rushing around the house trying to avoid yelling naughty words I realize that no…I can not get ready to leave in 10 minutes, and I need to remember that for the following morning. But I don’t and the crazy morning dance starts again with the first notes of my alarm the following day.

On an unrelated note—I am wearing blue suede shoes/heels today…and to paraphrase Elvis, I stepped on my own blue suede shoes and now they are scuffed. boo.


Monday, March 26, 2007

Magnificent Mail

When I come in from work and see packages on top of the mail boxes I get really excited and hope that one is for me. Sometimes they are, usually not....but there is still that moment when I let myself get excited and hope that they are. I have had fleeting thoughts of taking boxes from Amazon addressed to others...I just want to have the brief thrill of opening them to see what someone got, but then it would make returning the item quite awkward. "Um hi...this package is for you...I know that our names are nothing alike and we live on different floors, I am just super nosy"


Friday, March 23, 2007

My MSN messenger names this week

~Shamrocks and Shenanigans

~Happy Birthday Liz

~The First Mimzy

~I wrote a song about it wana hear it here it go

I use messenger almost daily as a random outlet for my one sentence creativity. Ha ha what a dork.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

More favourite things (and an 'Ode')

MultiGrain Cheerios--On occasion my father in law brings us groceries. There were in his grocery goodie bag last week, and since I started running out of other cereal I decided to give these a try. I worried that they would end up just being too blah since I know that normal cheerios don't have that much of a taste. I was delightfully surprised as these are lightly sweetened but are still a really healthy alternative in the world of breakfast cereal. Hurray General Mills you have done it again!

Criminal Minds--I am so in love with this show. Sometimes the crimes are pretty gross, but I love hearing the reasoning behind why some people are bat shit crazy. I have really enjoyed CSI for the past few years, but I love how this show explains some of the psychology behind criminal behaviour. Also I love how Mandy Patikin played the guy seeking revenge in the Princess Bride (my fave childhood movie)

Audrey Tatou--I have been watching a lot of French films lately in an effort to practice my French. I don't know if it's actually working or not, but it is fun to be exposed to movies I wouldn't have watched normally. I had seen Amelie a few years ago and LOVED it and Audrey, but now watching her in other films, she is just as adorable in all her roles. Granted some aren't as funny, but she just brings something so beautiful with her into her movies (no comment re. The Da Vinci Code though)

Ode to my missing Ipod

Oh Ipod how I love you
your gossamer screen of wonder
your shiny ebony body
those annoyingly uncomfortably earbuds
The white cord identifying me as a sellout to Apple
nonetheless:since you have been gone my life is less musical
please return from where you absconded
I miss youlike the desert misses the rain
(and various other cliches from 90s club songs)
come back to me little Nano
and i promise
never to let you stray again.


Wednesday, March 21, 2007

AOA (Adult Onset Acronyms)

I have been a bit of a self-diagnoser for a while now. Why go to a doctor when I CLEARLY know what is wrong with me. duh. (this should be noted to be dripping with scarcasm) I have felt for a long time that I have attention issues, but they have seemed to get a lot worse lately. I am having the worst time paying attention at work and I just can't seem to focus on my job. Isn't that awful? I am going through it at home too in that I can't focus on one thing at a time so I have about half a dozen almost completed tasks on the go (laundry needs to be folded and put away, I cleaned the toilet but not the sink, I don't have enough groceries) I am concerned that I put my still unfound Ipod somewhere crazy like in a potted plant because my brain was addled about what I had to do.

To go along with this I have developed a strange form of OCD about some things. I have completely fixated on relearning French. I spent about 2 hours online yesterday looking for good movies in French to watch so I can get some more exposure that way, and I walked up to Barnes and Noble at lunch and got a "Ultimate French practice and Review" It seems weird to me that I can 100% fixate on something so random. Why is that? I don't know what brought this on but I am now almost obsessed. Not in a "stalk you and steal your garbage" way...but maybe "president of your fanclub" way. Eeek.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Thoughts for today

Impatient A$$

Dear guy who parked out front of my apartment at 5am and honked continuously for 15 mins,

Have you heard of a cell phone asshole? Obviously you were awake and trying to get someone’s attention, but it wasn’t mine. Next time if whomever you are picking up is taking their sweet time getting down to the car, use the call box or a cell phone so that you only wake up people in their apartment. I have a hard time sleeping lately and hearing your horn beep over and over starts my day off on more of a homicidal tone than anything else.


A tenant on the 5th floor

Last night we went out to the Continental for dinner. It’s a great restaurant that is pretty close to our apartment, but its one of the places where all alcoholic drinks cost at a minimum $9 and you don’t get free refills on your pop. The food prices themselves are pretty reasonable, but I just really felt like a glass of wine and I hate when it has to bump up the price of a meal by that much. I know I shouldn’t complain, cause its not like I NEEDED a drink last night, but I just wanted one and for some reason I found it frustrating that it was so much. Maybe I am just cheap and I usually only get a drink at the places where its about $6.00 a glass, but 9 bucks just seemed really unreasonable last night.

I have been trying really hard lately to snap myself out of being so depressed. Really pushing myself to get on the treadmill has been hard, but I am finding it does help when I manage to do it. D borrowed the first few seasons of the Sopranos on DVD for us to watch while we exercise and that’s helpful too—before I know it 30 mins of me trekking along has passed. We were discussing it last night though and I realized I had done something wrong when I didn’t know what he was talking about. Turns out that I had started watching disk 1 of season two by mistake. I was wondering why I had no idea who the characters were or why there seemed to be minimal introduction. I think I will start over with season 1 tonight and hopefully figure out who is who!


Sunday, March 18, 2007

Home Alone

Since D hasn't been working lately we have been at home together all the time. I am the kind of girl who thrives on some alone time. There is nothing specific I want to do but I relish in the thought of just being alone in my apartment, hanging out and doing my own thing. When he said last night that he was going to be spending the day at the Fox and the Hound watching NCAA with his Dad and some of his friends I secretly rejoiced! Alone time...hurray...but now I have all this time to myself and for once I don't know what to do. I put a load of laundry in (which doesnt scream fun alone time really now does it?) And I just put the kettle on to make a cup of coffee...i exercised this morning too, but all the things I think I will do when I am home alone (finally watch those French movies I borrowed, scrapbook etc) none of that seems appealing today. I did just start a new book so maybe I will max and relax and read. I will say that its really nice to be getting on with my day without Sports Centre as the back ground noise.

St. Patty's day passed yet again without too much hooplah from me. We went to a pub yesterday had some beers, had some lunch and watched two NCAA games. I apparently can't drink anymore as I had a huge buzz as we stumbled through the snow back to our apartment. These are the things that indicate to me that I am getting old--I have 4 beers and am semi drunk, I was SO annoyed with all the super wasted college girls, and I managed to stay home for fear of braving the cold and didnt go back out. Lame.

Still no sign of the Ipod. Pray for her safe return am starting to get worried!


Friday, March 16, 2007

Bipolar Weather

When I left my apartment yesterday morning it was 73 degrees…while walking home at 5pm the weather had dropped to about 43!! Today is it really cold and slushy snowing. I love Spring but this one extreme to the next is too much. Of course it’s supposed to stay cold and icky all weekend now L We are now getting sent home from work due to the weather.

I have misplaced my Ipod. I hesitate to say “lost” cause I have just thought that I put it somewhere nonsensical within the apartment and will surely come across it sooner than later. However, it’s been over a week and I have checked all the usual places I absentmindedly put things and I can’t find it. I am not crazy addicted to it, but now that I am starting to exercise I made a kick ass play list in Itunes and I want to listen while I run!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Too much of a good (free) thing

This morning from 10-12 with a cool coaster sized coupon, Starbucks was giving out free drip coffee. Normally I have a cup of coffee when I get in to work in the morning and drink water for the rest of the day but I decided, free is free right? So I went and got myself a free coffee...I have regretted it all afternoon as I have been suffering from some form of caffeine overdose. Clearly I am a girl who doesn't know her limits! My heart has been pounding and I keep feeling like I need to take really deep yoga-type breaths. How lame am I that I just overdose on coffee?!


I have been trying really hard lately to motivate myself to get into shape. I have never really been that fit and I can always seem to make excuses to sit on the couch or read a good book instead of do anything active. BUT, last night I managed to get on the treadmill and power walk for just over 3 miles :) This is a big accomplishment for me as I usually give up WAY before then, so...yay me. Maybe this time I will actually get it together in time for swimsuit season.


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

This morning

I think I am developing my mother’s insomnia in my old age. I am always awake at really strange and early hours of the morning. While she is smart and gets up and does something useful I lie there and try to get back to sleep. I always feel like I need those few extra hours of sleep yet even when I fall back asleep I seldom find it restful--this is when I have my strangest dreams. Case in point 4am this morning:

1) I was planning a sleepover with kid from Little Miss Sunshine. It was a BIG deal as she was supposed to be working on a movie yet she was coming to hang out with me.

2) I somehow knew that my Mum was about to have her wedding ring stolen from her work and I couldn't get in touch with her in time to stop it.

3) I was in some cool mall and kept trying to get in to the Baby Gap. My pregnant friend was with me and we wanted to get to the amazing sales in there, but whenever we walked through the door it turned into a grocery store and I couldn't find the way to get into Gap. We would walk back out the door and see where we were going, we would try to turn around, but would still end up in the market.

I think I need to just start getting up, making a cup of tea and reading or something. I just seem to wake up ready to face the day all stressed out from my weird dreams and thats not a good way to start the day!


Tuesday, March 13, 2007

RIP Ruby

Alas...after D and I attemped some drastic lifesaving measures this past weekend they were to no avail. Our dearly beloved Betta fish Ruby died last night. :( I realize that she wasn't the most interactive of pets, but she was cool and we had her for a year (which far exceeds the lifespan of all other fishes we have had) so I am sad. We finally bought her a friend. He was a blue Beta fish named Aqua Man...he had his own little tank at the other end of the bookshelf, and is also a good fish (how does one define a fish as good...?) I feel a bit silly being bummed about the passing of a fish when there are way worse things going on, but what can ya do?

Ruby "the red Fish" Stargazer
Sometime in Feb 2006--March 11th 2007


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Training makes for a loooong day

I am in a training class all week at work. From 8-5 with my entire department (most of whom are sick and coughing a ton) I am in a conference room listening to training about automated testing. I am happy to be getting the training cause it will look great on my resume and its important to know, but I feel like I am developing low grade narcolepsy as I try to stay awake. Nothing screams "professional" like a colleague nodding her head trying to pry her eyes open. Sucks.

I have been really depressed the past two nights. It's an awful feeling and I can't really even explain why. I miss my Dad which seems to be the only constant in my life....I just don't really know what else is wrong. I feel like the things I find fun aren't interesting me and I just feel completely overwhelmed. D's back isn't better so I have been having to do everything around the house as well as work all day. I feel like I am sounding like a maryter, but sometimes I just am so tired that I don't want to do anything.


Friday, March 02, 2007

weather and toilets

Today has been weird weather wise. It started off pouring rain this morning. The kind that is accompanied by a crazy wind that tries to fight you for control of your umbrella. I got to work mildly disheveled looking with soaking wet feet. Every time it rains I think “I need rain boots”. But after that thought I think no more of such a foolish investment until it rains again and I have to walk a mile to work through puddles…dur.

A question was brought up today at lunch and I thought I would ask here to see if anyone else would answer…when you are in a public bathroom what is your flushing protocol? Do you use your foot or your hand? I got yelled at by my boss when I said I used my foot. He said that he thought that was gross and rude…and yes it is, but I also have a bit of a germ thing and I don’t want to be touching the handle to be honest. If I am at a friends house or my house or somewhere really classy I use my hand or my hand covered in toilet paper, but when it’s a toilet that has the metal flusher thing…I have to use my foot…they somehow always seem moist and shiny and I just can’t bring myself to touch them with my hands. How do other people deal with this?


Thursday, March 01, 2007

That boy again

I dreamed about Sean again last night. my friend Melissa thinks that it may be just a relation between associating him with home, and the thought of home is comforting...interesting. For some reason lately I have been really into dreams and what they mean. Why the heck do I always dream of someone I haven't seen or heard from in 12 years?


Why mess with a good thing?

D's friend Jeff came over last night to watch a movie with us. He is one of my favourite of the friends I inherited through marriage and really is the nicest guy ever. He patiently helped me troll through ebay to find a cool used phone so I didnt have to pay a ton for a new one. And in his infinite sweetness he was trying to help me put cool things on my phone (deemed cool by him not me) but apparently he had some switch turned on which turned my cell phone into his cell phone. It deleted my contacts, and uploaded all of his information to my phone. The cool ring tones that came with the phone have vanished along with the photos I have been happily snapping with it. He is also the kind of guy you can't be angry with, as he is just a bit spacey but doesn't do things intentionally to mess things up, but now my phone which i had been carefully setting up all week is now full of someone else's organizational info.

On an unrelated note I have become somewhat of a forager/hoarder lately at work. I don't know why I am doing it but it feels a bit strange. We have employees from other companies come visit and they bring us candy from the UK and I tend to hide it in my desk to save for a later date. It now turns out that 1) I am getting fat and 2) I may be contribute to the mouse problem that has developed since Christmas. How can I break myself from wanting to snack on crappy food all afternoon at work?