We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Happy Birthday




:::
Today my Dad would have turned 66. One of his favourite things is white flowers, so on my way into work I stopped at the cute Japanese flower sellers on 17th street. I couldn't tell what the man was saying as to the name of the flowers, but my friend Mari tells me that in Japan they are called "Kiku" or spider mums. So I have two pretty little white flowers sitting in a coffee cup on my desk which is the best way I can think of to show my Dad that I am thinking about him today. D offered to take me out to dinner, and we also have an invite to go out with a group of friends to eat. I feel like such a recluse lately, but I just seem to get really overwhelmed in a large group of people. It some how makes me feel more lonely and sad. Does that make any sense?

My parent's wedding song just came on my Ipod. (which I found last night buried under a pile of crap on D's weight bench) It was with great pomp and circumstance that I paraded it around the apartment. I know it likely sounds hokey but i really do feel like my Dad sometimes puts songs on the radio on randomly on my shuffle that I need to hear. He played Paul Simons "Father and Daughter" for me one day when I needed it the most...I just miss him so much sometimes and days like this I just still feel so angry and sad and heartbroken at the same time that I just don't know how to make myself feel better.

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2 Comments:

  • This post literally brought tears to my eyes. I lost my Mother years ago and I still miss her. I think it's awesome that you get songs sent to you by your father. The universe is filled with many unexplained things, and we can only take them for what they are. Hugs.

    By Blogger Dave Scott, At March 30, 2007 11:53 AM  

  • They say God works in mysterious ways. I think that so do those who have passed on to still be a part of our lives. There are many things out there that make us think of loved ones who are no longer with us ~ some say it is by chance, but like you, I like to believe that it is because they put it there for us. He's always watching out for you, sending you love and strength when you need it.

    :)

    By Anonymous melissa, At March 30, 2007 2:26 PM  

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