The Marine

Is it totally weird that I have been anxiously awaiting the DVD release of this movie? And that I actually let out a squeal of delight when D called this morning to tell me he got the last copy? I am sure the movie will not be remotely good, but I do love a good shoot 'em up, wrestle the bad guys into submission, save your wife type of movie. Oh and also I just want to look at John Cena. I actually watch Monday night Raw now just for him. And I cheer when he wins. What has happened to me? I don't really want him to talk, I just want to look at him. I am actually embarrassed that I am admitting to this!

"If Jesus loves me then why does my girlfriend have mouth herpes?"

I get coldsores. I have had them all my life (Thanks Mum) They usually pop up when I am insanely stressed, or have got a sunburn on my face, or just to inconvenience me. When D and I first started dating, I got TWO at once. This had never happened before or since, but both sides of my lip were all swollen and disgusting. He has never had one before and was reading up online to find out how soon he would be able to kiss me again. After much research he uttered the words in my blog title. I laughed, he laughed...good times. Now whenever I get a coldsore we inevitably bring up Jesus and his love for me, D and mouth herpes.
I am in a wedding this Saturday as the matron of honour. I have been washing my face extra carefully with new face wash, and making sure that I had no zits and my skin looks awesome for this wedding. Thinking I am all set to go, yesterday at work that familar tingling settled in to my lips and low and behold no matter all the creams and preventative stuff I put on my lip last night, I woke up with a huge lip :( I have been slathering Abreva on it all morning but it just seems to be threatening to take over my face. I am so disappointed cause I dont really want to be immortalized in someones wedding photos with a disgusting lip. I may have to learn photoshop really well ;)

Today I feel like

Last night D surprised me by scoring cheap tickets to see the musical “Edward Scissorhands”. When we got there we soon realized that it was a ballet and not a musical! I think he was surprised, but he stuck it out and actually ended up really liking it. It was nice to go out and do something fun other than hanging out at home and watching TV etc. That was definitely one thing that I do love about living in the city—we walked the 5 blocks to and from the theatre…and it was an option to go out last minute. Maybe I really am not in a rush to have a baby after all!

Today started off rather early with an obscure, and I am guessing wrong number text message. 4.16am the melodic tone of my “text message received” notification went off. “I still haven’t paid for those buckles yet" I'll suss it out tomorrow”...what the heck does that mean? The number was from overseas judging from the 001 and extra numbers at the end…I wrote back asking if it was my brother but they never replied. So that was kind of weird. I then had nightmares while I was trying to fall back asleep that I couldn’t use my arms. When my alarm went off I realized that both my arms were asleep as I had been laying on them. Duh.

(backup notes on the following paragraph: For Christmas my mum got me the thought-a-day “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” calendar. She used to get it for my Dad every year and he would always call me up with the thoughts of the day he thought would apply to me. Sometimes they are a bit obvious, but it’s nice to have something positive every day that reminds me of my Dad.) Today the thought was “What you Practice is what you become”. I kind of like it but it makes me realize that I need to practice some new things other than procrastinating. Mum always tells me that if I do something for 21 days it’s a habit (ie. Flossing, not leaving my clothes on the floor every night…) so I think I need to think of some good things to practice so that I can “become” them. What should they be?

On a related note I am involved in a game of psychological warfare with a girl I work with. She very much started it and is keeping it going, but I am too annoyed with her to actually confront her about it. The three of us used to hang out at work a lot until she started ignoring me and my other coworker. It stems back to a situation a month ago where we didn’t come to a happy hour. First of all, she didn’t know until that day whether or not it was going on, secondly it was pouring rain and crappy out. So we both decided not to come. And she hasn’t spoken to either one of us since. This happened one time before and she finally got around to talking about it and we got over it, but this time I just thought “what, are you ten”? And I don’t want to bother trying to repair our obviously flawed friendship. So it’s fun because I ran into her in the bathroom the other day and I knew she was waiting in the stall for me to leave cause she didn’t want to have to actively ignore me…so I took my time, talked to another woman who was in there, washed my hands slowly…and actually enjoyed doing it. I really am a nice friendly girl, but this woman is pissing me off. She can’t just talk to me about being upset that I missed her happy hour and its somehow better to lose two friends and fully ignore people (as in won’t even make eye contact with us). I feel like I should walk up to her and be the grownup and ask her what her problem is, but I think that since she feels she is somehow punishing me by not talking to me I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of appearing like I care. Am I being an idiot?

Right now...

...I wish I was at home. Curled up in a ball on my bed covered in towels from the dryer. How is that for exactly what I want. I used to love it when my Mum would dump the drying on me and have me fold it. I would lie there until I had absorbed all of the heat before I would get up. I am chilly in my cubicle today and wish to be covered in warm towels.

Sean Kennedy and such

This is my post from yesterday, I couldn't get on blogger to post it!

Winter has finally come to Philadelphia. This morning was the first time all season that my brisk walk to work didn’t have me arriving at work all sweaty under my coat (lovely image right?) People here seem to think that because I am Canadian I should be impervious to the cold…that is not the case. I am still trying to figure out how I can completely wrap my face up with my scarf and not fog my glasses up every time I exhale. It was really bright out this morning so I was bundled up really tight—hat down as far as it would go, sunglasses on and then big scarf wrapped around my neck and trying to cover my nose…it’s a good look for me, especially since my new years resolution of exercising all the time and eating healthy isn’t off to a great start…I had junk food ALL weekend and I haven’t exercised in 10 days!

Last night D and I went to see ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ with some friends. It was ok. I liked it cause I some how come out feeling cultured when I see a movie that has subtitles, but it focused a lot more on the Spanish civil war than on the cool Pan world. I think I was just expecting something different. Also the violence was kind of gross in some parts. I wouldn’t rent it again or anything, but it was definitely an interesting movie.

Two nights ago I had a dream about Sean again. This is SO strange—I went to grade school (until Grade 9 when I moved away) with a boy named Sean Kennedy. We weren’t particularly close or anything but he did come to some of my birthday parties. My one big memory of him is that his Mom came into our school in Grade 3 or 4 and told us about Hanukkah and we ate Latkes. But for no apparent reason, he features heavily in my dreams. Every now and then with some surprising regularity I have dreams about him. We are hanging out, or just talking and he is my best friend or else I find him somewhere and it’s a big reunion…I don’t know why at all and its so weird. I lost touch with all of the people that I went to school with when I was younger, so I have no idea why my subconscious has me to dream of him in particular…

10 minute writing exercise part 2

This time we have to spend ten minute editing what we wrote in our first exercise:

I remember shortly after my Dad passed away being sure I was pregnant. I was waiting on a refill with my birth control and how careful were we really? My period had never been late before and it was already two weeks late. As a chronic worrier I was sure that was what it was. My husband pointed out that stress can affect this, but I was sure that wasn’t what it was.

My friend’s mom is a psychic and when I was hurting I called her to ask about my Dad. She asked me if I was pregnant and said if I wasn’t then, I would be soon…I couldn’t stop thinking about it. What a coincidence that I was worried about it and she said it bringing it closer to reality for me. I wondered, with Death comes new life, would that be what was necessary to carry my family through this time of sadness?

For two weeks I waited. Feeling more scared to get the test as I didn’t want to know for sure, I couldn’t handle knowing if it was real. Every day I changed my mind about whether or not I wanted to be pregnant. Right now we have a tiny apartment and D doesn’t have a full time job …I do want a baby but not under these circumstances. I remember going to the bathroom every day anxiously awaiting a sign that I was not going to have a baby. I was too scared to tell my Mum, as she was dealing with enough then, what would she think if I was pregnant now too?

Worrying that I was pregnant now while married and in love was different than the times when I was younger that I was concerned…I remember Lisa and I having a “we’re not pregnant” party outside of school one afternoon, we had both been worried. It would have been way worse that time. This time it went back and forth—I want a baby with D, hopefully a little dark haired girl who looks like her mumma…or a little boy who looks like him. I want to relish in my pregnancy, dealing with all the crap together because look we have made a baby. I don’t want it to be like this. But I started to feel sick and wonder if its morning sickness or just mourning sickness.

I took an inconclusive pregnancy test and decided to go see the doctor. During the 40 minutes I was in his waiting room I read every parenting magazine in the office. There was a two week old baby sitting with his mum and I couldn’t stop staring…would that soon be me? His mewing cry startled me…all I could think of was sleepless nights and losing my job. I was called in and had to undress, I peed in a cup as the friendly nurse stuck the test strip in. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. Every possible eventuality passed through my mind. I remember being unsure how to feel when she told me that I wasn’t pregnant; that my period was just extremely late due to stress. I remember being relieved, I know I am not quite ready, but there was another part, big enough for me to take notice that was disappointed. I called my friend Nicole in tears on the way home. It was too many emotions in a short time. I know that one day I will have a baby when I am ready and it will be wonderful, being pregnant while dealing with my grieving wouldn’t have been the special experience I would want to remember it being.

I don’t know that I made this any better with the ten minute editing…

10 minute writing exercise

I did my first 10 minute writing exercise today so I thought I would post it. It was from www.crazedparent.org The exercise was to start with "I remember"

I remember after my Dad died thinking I was pregnant. I was waiting on a refill with my birth control and how careful were we really? My friend’s mom is a psychic and when I was hurting I called her to ask about my Dad. She asked me if I was pregnant cause she thought if I wasn’t then, I would be soon…I couldn’t stop thinking about it. With Death comes new life, would that be what was necessary to carry my family through this time of sadness? Every day I changed my mind about whether or not I wanted to be pregnant. Right now we have a tiny apartment and D doesn’t have a full time job and is trying to go back to school…I do want a baby but could it wait until it would be more of a blessing. I remember going to the bathroom every day anxiously awaiting my period. I was too scared to tell my Mum, she was dealing with enough then, what would she think if I was pregnant now too. Worrying that I was pregnant now while married and in love was different than the time in high school I worried too…I knew he wasn’t the right guy so that would have just been awful. This time it went back and forth—I want a baby with D, hopefully a little dark haired girl who looks like her mumma…or a little boy who looks like him. I want to relish in my pregnancy, dealing with all the crap together because look we have made something together. I don’t want it to be like this. But I start to feel sick and wonder if its morning sickness or just mourning sickness. I took an inconclusive pregnancy test and decided to go see the doctor. The 40 minutes I spent in his waiting room I read every parenting magazine that was in there. There was a two week old baby sitting with his mum and I couldn’t stop staring…would that soon be me. I was called in and had to undress, I peed in a cup and she stuck the test strip in. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I remember being unsure how to feel when she told me that I wasn’t pregnant. That my period was just really really late due to stress. I remember a huge part of me being relieved, I know I am not quite ready, but there was another part, big enough for me to take notice that was disappointed. I called my friend Nicole in tears on the way home. It was too many emotions in a short time. I know that one day I will have a baby when I am ready and it will be wonderful, being pregnant while dealing with my grieving wouldn’t have been the special experience I would want to remember it being.

MyTunes

Thanks to my new Nano and my long walk to work I discovered some things this morning:

Song I most want to play air trumpet to—Would I lie to you by Eurythmics
Song I most want to play air drums to—Laid by James
Fun song to strut to—SexyBack by Justin Timberlake
Most unattractive guy I would love to have serenade me—Leonard Cohen
Song that makes me wish I didn't quit piano lessons—White Houses
by Vanessa Carlton
Cheesiest song I love to sing along to—Can’t stop loving you by Phil Collins
Most appropriate song for me to be walking to—Streets of Philadelphia
by Bruce Springsteen
Most romantic ghetto song—Take me as I am by Wyclef Jean
Song I feel I could/should have written—Night Swimming by R.E.M

On a related note—does anyone know if it’s possible to have two instances of Itunes on one computer? D and I both have Ipods now and I am having problems figuring out how to update mine.

The Good, The Bad and The Lucky

THE GOOD--Stefanie of stefanie-says.blogspot.com sent me cool tech help so that I can add lists and other cool things to my blog. hurray. (just haven't sat down to play with it yet) but I am SO excited to try to make it work :)
--I went out for a 2 mile walk with my friend Deb on Saturday morning, see fun pics below. My legs were pretty sore but it was nice to see a different view of Philly. I always drive past these places but rarely am I able to stop and take pics. I took the Rocky one just for D. We were actually in the pub the night they filmed some scenes for the movie there. We had to leave to let them film, but it was still cool to be there...actually I think I blogged about that this time last year.

-Went shopping at Loehmanns with Maya and managed not to spend all my money, but did manage to score a pair of Juicy Coture cashmere pants for a measly $35.00. They were on sale from $325.00 so..it was foolish not to buy them. Also they could be known as the most comfy pants on the planet.

-Went out to brunch with a new friend I met while getting a manicure for New Years. Was nice, I had liquid french toast and she gave me some back issues of US weekly...this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

THE BAD- D and his dad were on their way down to DC to visit my brother in law. I am not 100% sure about the full details, but essentially, whilst in transit, they hit two cars, flew across 6 lanes of traffic, tried to brake, but that didn't seem to work and they ended up embedded in a store. Thankfully it was Sunday and the shop was closed so there was no one in it. The rental car they were driving is completely totalled.

THE LUCKY-Somehow neither one of them had any serious injuries. They both are really sore from where the seatbelts jammed into them, but nothing is broken. I cannot believe it. I am waiting to see pics of the accident that D took with his phone. He says that looking at them he still can't believe that he isn't more hurt. I guess I count as the lucky too in this instance cause I really couldn't deal with something happening to him right now. I am selfish yes, but I still need him as my rock and I can't have to take care of him, not right now at least. Good to know someone is watching over us .

Afternoon randoms

-The glorious manicure I got on Sunday is finally starting to chip L ‘Lincoln Park After Dark’ by OPI is my new favourite nail colour. It’s a very rich purple that almost looks black. Usually I go light on my fingers because I am a wimp, but I have to say I have really enjoyed having cool looking nails all week. I will be sad tonight when I have to remove it.

- I just got off the phone with my best friend and we got to have a 15 min catch up conversation in the middle of the afternoon. Usually that doesn’t work as she is a teacher now so she isn’t around when I have free calling (what nerve huh?) When I was 18 she made me a CD that had the quote “when I find myself fading I realize my friends are my energy” (I think I just paraphrased that) but with certain friends it’s so true. I felt tired and blah until I spoke with her and now I am smiley and missing her and hoping she gets the mail I sent her soon. I really don’t think I would have survived the past 10 years without this girl!

- It’s pouring rain and about 50 degrees…it really doesn’t feel like January. I know I have said this in my last few posts, but it’s really bugging me. I know I shouldn’t really care as I can wear skirts to work etc. but it just doesn’t seem wintery. I want to be out taking pictures of the snow on the trees in Rittenhouse park, not wishing that Santa had brought me rain boots!

-I am so happy that its the weekend. For once I actually have a lot of plans and that usually doesn't happen. It feels good to finally have some girlfriends down here who call and try to make plans. I am going to Brunch on Sunday...how divine!

-D has been having a hard time coming to grips with being a grownup lately. I don't know what to tell him. I know what he is saying, but there isn't really a ways to fix it. He doesn't think its fair or right to have to work so much that we have no time for the really important things in life. Things we love, each other, our families, our hobbies. It is true that it stinks that we have to work so much, but if we were happy having a WAY less successful life then yes, we could work menial jobs occasionally and spend all our time together, but what would we be doing? constantly worrying about how we were gona pay for our kids to get shoes, etc. I hope he can manage to sort through these feelings cause its just how it is. I don't want to work all day and come home and not have time to scrapbook and read, and hang out with my friends, but there are things in life that have to come first to an extent. Is this the onset to an early mid life crisis?

Could have been the Willie Nelson/Could have been the wine

Yesterday I found out that The OC is being cancelled. Honestly? I really am upset. Not crying all night upset, but just bummed cause I really do look forward to watching it on Thursday nights. I will say that it's not as hip as it once was, but I do feel like they have managed to keep things together without being completely formulaic. I am definitely giving this show too much credit, but shut up I love it.

I went to the asian supermarket near me last night for the first time. What a cool experience. I ended up buying some items I really didn't need like Peanut Satay sauce and vermicelli noodles, but I managed to convince myself that it was in an effort for me to make pad thai sometime soon and also something yummy with peanut satay sauce. Anyone have ideas?

I was kind of rushing this morning and half way to work I realized that I wasn't wearing any make up or deoderant. I am not a cake face or anything, but I usually at least put cream on the huge dark circles under my eyes and try to look a bit more presentable at work..but alas today my coworkers get me in all my fug smelly glory.

I'm really excited that its the weekend. Tonight I think we are going to see all the art galleries that are doing First Friday. Hopefully it manages to hold off on the rain. We have been trying to find fun, free (or tres cheap) things to do in the city in the evenings, and this one we really enjoy provided that we can walk around and not get soaked! Tomorrow D is going to the Villanova game and then watching sports all afternoon, so I made some plans to go out with a new friend. Not sure what we are doing, but I really didn't want to sit around and watch sports. Sunday D is heading down to DC to visit his brother who just moved back from Venezuela. They are gona live it up and go see another Nova game on Monday. It will be nice to have the apartment to myself for a few days. I really want to try to pick one or two areas of the apartment and really power organize so that we have a few uncluttered areas. We are supposed to be moving our new couch in and our old couch out next Saturday so I really need to find someone to take our old couch too...My alternate plan is to hope that all the photos I ordered from Shutterfly arrive so I can hang out and scrapbook all day on Sunday ;) must more fun than organizing. What are other people up to? Any advice on fun cheap things to do?

New Years pics and Hump day news

Awww, our first kiss of 2007. This was as fireworks were going off in Old City. D is very good at taking pics of us himself. I can never seem to manage doing it without getting the entire side of my face and then cutting most of his head off. It has been decided that he is the photographer in the family.

I 100% love my hair in this photo. As someone who has had dead straight hair my whole life, I get kinda excited when its curly. The hairdresser used about 2 cans of hairspray just to get it to stay pretty all night, but I was totally satisfied with it!


Today has been a weird one of adjustment at work. Yesterday we couldn't do anything as we were waiting for software so I spent a good part of the day trying to figure out how to make a cool blog. I really like the ones that have lists etc. down the sides but I am an HTMLtard so I don't know if I will ever get it working super cool.


I bought a new journal last night--a new journal for a new year. Usually I am not so hokey around the start of the year, but I am just DETERMINED to make more of myself and my life this year. Unless someone else in my life dies I know that this year will have to be better than last year so I am at least able to be optimistic about that. As always I am making lists regarding my goals for the year, my hopes, dreams etc. I feel like I am 11 a lot of the time. I have kept a journal since then, and it's always full of my dreamer ramblings. I just really want to be happier and get my life more organized.

I am starting the year off with my friend Lena reading "The Purpose Driven Life" together. She lives in Ontario and I live here so it will be sort of a long distance book club, but I am hoping that it will inspire me. I think I need inspiration and faith right now. I am also hoping it will rekindle our friendship. We were super crazy best friends in high school and while we have always kept in touch, we didn't stay as close. I really miss her and am hoping this will help bring us closer again.

Two of my favourite things I got for Christmas:
--"The Feast of Love" by Charles Baxter. My brother in a moment of amazing gift giving ability got this for me. It's an AMAZING book. I dont really know how to describe it other than kick ass. I wish I had enough time to just sit down with a mug of tea and read the whole thing. I am halfway through it and already know I will be reading it again.

--"Powerpoint eyeliner" from MAC. Santa put this in my stocking and I LOVE it. It goes on really smooth and easily and leaves a great line. Is kinda hard to get off though, so I should get some eyemakeup remover (or at least a better method than just scrubbing with facecloth)

Happy 2007

After seeing Rocky Balboa on opening night in Philly D realized that something was missing in our marriage. That would be that I had no Rocky knowledge. So this past weekend...I got schooled. We watched Rocky 1-5 in HD cause it was being offered for free by Comcast. So now I am all up on my Philly Rocky Trivia...come on ask me anything!
I was also feeling really into the new year thing yesterday and wanted a new journal to start a new year. So D got up and trudged around with me to try to find somewhere open that sold journally types of things. Everywhere was closed! So I am off now to hit up Staples and Barnes and Noble to see if I can find anything. I also thought I would post the beginnings of my new year resolutions. Can you guess which one my Mum made up for me?

1) I will wake up every morning and say “thank you for this day, thank you that I am healthy, that I am able to work, that I am beautiful inside and out, that I am intelligent
2) I will look at all that I have and not what I don't have. My cup overflows
3) I will look at all that "stuff" that clutters my home and interferes with my serenity and I will pass it on to someone else
4) I will focus on what is really important
5)I will fight retail therapy and reward myself every time I resist by putting something in the bank or by buying one lovely flower on the way home so that when I sit down at night I will be glad I didn't spend money I don't have on stuff I don't need
6) I will keep the big goals in sight
7) I will relish in the serenity of not dreading the credit card bill when it comes in the mail knowing how much you can spend before it is on credit (7 is pretty related to 5 I think)