We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Mrs. Cranky McGrumpsalot

Have been feeling a bit down in the dumps lately (as have previously mentioned) It seems as soon as I start feeling better something else comes and tugs the rug out from under me. Tuesday night is belly dancing night. I started an open class last week and I really enjoyed it. My girlfriend who was going to come with me this week backed out due to a painful UTI and so I have spent a good chunk of the afternoon battling with my inner (sometimes wimpy) goddess about going alone. Sometimes in strange social situations I get nervous, become extremely self conscious and proceed to have no fun…this is what I am trying to avoid as I enjoyed class last week. So finally I decide “yeah I can do this” and then Mil (mother in law) calls and reminds me that I have to deal with some uncalled for bill that HUPenn is claiming I didn’t pay last year (which I totally did, but of course didn’t keep records of...idiot) and whoops, there goes said rug. I put money in my ING account today, I was thinking “hey, am doing ok” and then…there it goes. As much fun as it is to day dream about winning millions and millions in the lottery…did you buy powerball for tomorrow? I would be super duper happy with winning a few thousand. I don’t need enough to keep me from working all my life, just help me pay off my loans, just let me get a wee bit ahead. Then I can try to figure out what it is that will make me happy, rather than just what I can do to pay the current bills. I had great thoughts of this year being my year, the year I grow up and stop being a tool…but I am realizing that growing up is a pain in the butt. I don’t like worrying about money, and overdraft and all that. I know that I am very fortunate and I have somewhere to live and a job and all that…maybe am just depressed a bit…come on spring please finish getting here and make me smiley again. This cranky blah person isn’t me. Am usually way more sunshine like. I am such a baby


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