We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Slow moving Saturday Morning

D had to work this morning and while I am sad he has to work for a few hours on a Saturday, I must say it does feel nice for once having him getting up before me. He never has to be up before me during the week and rarely is he up at the same time as me, so I always head off to work as he is still all snuggled up in bed. I feel guilty admitting it, but...I did derive a sense of satisfaction to be able to fall back asleep when he left! Not too sure what we are up to today. We are completely busy every day for the next 4 weekends so we thought that this weekend we can do whatever we want...but that always leads to the cyclical conversation of "what do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" I think we are going to go to a museum and out to lunch. No idea about tonight. I feel bad cause I have always been kind of a homebody. I sometimes get a bit of social anxiety so I have a hard time going out, and also for the past 6 months I just tend to get upset and want to cry at the drop of a hat. When D and I met he was big into going out and I think I have turned him into a hermit. At least during the week, but I also sometimes just like to hang out at home on the weekend nights too--which while cheaper can get boring I guess since we do it Mon-Fri anyway.
I just realized as I have been writing that I didn't notice the date in early April and I never mentioned anything for my Dad's 7 month passing mark. These are the things that scare me. I am amazing with the guilt I can feel for not thinking about him every day. I just don't want to forget things about him so much...even how long it has been since he died. I think I have to move through the guilt cause I know he wouldnt want me feeling like that at all.



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