We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


This is a photo that D took of me the other day while we were riding in the back of the car. It feels very symbolic to me at the moment--there is me looking and only seeing things passing in a blur. I just feel so confused in my life lately and I don't know how to get back to clarity. I have been talking about moving back to Canada. Not to leave D marital wise, but just for some space. I am not happy right now with my job, or just in general. I feel like D and I rely on each other too much for our happiness but I think that we need to figure out how to make ourselves happy. I have been trying to figure out a way to talk to him about this in a manner that didn't seem like I am trying to get a divorce...a few of our conversations went well, but then when I tried to explain it to him further today I think I just hurt him more. He feels like "space" is something people want when they are starting divorce proceedings. The problem is that we both have a lot of baggage right now and I just thought that maybe if we could work through it on our own we would be able to get back together after a wee bit of space and be stronger than ever. I just feel that for a little while I need to be on my own. Get my shit figured out while giving him time to figure out hiw own. Neither one of us is able to support each other in the way we need right now and I just need some "me" time....not "planning on divorcing my hubby time" but "figuring out how to be happy with myself time" Does this make sense? Am I being selfish and unreasonable?



  • I love the symbolism of the picture. And no I do not feel like you are being selfish or the least bit unreasonable. I do understand that hubby would just be a little concerned about the entire situation, but it's either let you find your center now or the entire relationship is doomed to fail in the future. Do you have a close out of town friend with spare bedroom or a comfy couch? Just a change of scenery even for a long weekend might do the trick. I also recommend getting alone in the woods and doing some meditation. I have a sacred rock that I use for that purpose at the top of a local mountain that overlooks Seven Falls (beautiful !). Best of luck Stargazer !

    By Blogger Dave Scott, At April 04, 2007 3:43 PM  

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